And what would you like on your sandwich? “Bread.”
Okay, so I shouldn’t get so excited about the inclusion of an additional fast-food chain into the small list of options I can grab a bite to eat at. If there is one benefit to being gluten-free, it is that you are forced NOT to eat a bunch of processed crap. Having said that however, I have a confession to make: I AM excited.
I am excited to the point of giddy delirium, THAT is how excited I am. Now, quickly, before the newness of this news wears off and rational behavior returns, I will share with you my train of thought upon hearing that the Subway sandwich shop in Duluth was going to be one of the trial locations for gluten-free sandwiches.
Oh. Oh! Wait! I can eat a SANDWICH!? In public?
It is at this point that I mentally envision myself in line at a Subway…picture the scene: I am waiting behind 3-4 people (a luxury, because usually I try to go to places in off-peak hours so as not to upset people when my meal takes longer – Chipotle, I’m talking to you, here), the sandwich gal is behind the counter making other people’s sandwiches. She turns to the dude in front of me, “What would you like on your sandwich?” He mumbles something about, “…extra pickles, lettuce, hold the mayo, blahblahblah…” His sandwich gets passed down the line, wrapped and bagged. Then it is my turn.
Now, mentally, this is where my dream glosses over the necessary “I need a gluten-free sandwich, please wash your hands, put on clean gloves, etc……” It is important and will have to be said in reality, but this is MY daydream, and in THIS version, that’s already been said. The lady turns to me, ” and what would you like on your sandwich?”
And I triumphantly declare, “BREAD!!! I would like BREAD on my sandwich!”
Now, even in my dream I can see that I am wearing a sloppy, silly grin on my face. Even visualizing the elevated dorkditude that I have risen to does not mar this elation I am feeling. I turn my head proudly, as though I just declared world peace among nations. The other patrons, luckily, don’t seem to think anything is amiss….even in my dream I auto-correct.
Funny how actually receiving and eating the sandwich isn’t a part of this fantasy (Is it because I am afraid it will taste like cardboard? Maybe. Is it because what I am actually excited about is an additional opportunity to act like a normal person again? I’ll leave that one to the reader to discern.)
It looks like a trip to Duluth might be in order. I hear it is lovely this time of year.